And today, after much work by myself and help from friends and family. I think it's not too bad for a girl who never lived in a house with a garden before!
Thursday, 21 August 2008
After two years of work...
The garden when we bought the house in 2006...
And today, after much work by myself and help from friends and family. I think it's not too bad for a girl who never lived in a house with a garden before!
And today, after much work by myself and help from friends and family. I think it's not too bad for a girl who never lived in a house with a garden before!
Monday, 28 July 2008
Pluto?
Interesting conversation occurred at coffee time in the doctors' room today. There were 4 male GP partners and myself in the room, and 2 of them were having a long and involved conversation about the practice nurses, and problems that keep erupting with them and communication issues. Here is how it went:-
Partner 1: "What you've got to remember is that men are from Mars, women are from Venus..."
Partner 2: (pantomiming a secret nod towards me) "Careful, there's one in the room. And she's got pregnancy hormones...watch out!"
Partner 1: "No that doesn't count; she's a doctor."
Partner 1: "What you've got to remember is that men are from Mars, women are from Venus..."
Partner 2: (pantomiming a secret nod towards me) "Careful, there's one in the room. And she's got pregnancy hormones...watch out!"
Partner 1: "No that doesn't count; she's a doctor."
***************************
So where am I from? I'm confused.
Tuesday, 15 July 2008
When I was 26...
I was going to try to do this each year for my birthday. Oh well, I missed that slightly, but may as well fill you in on all the things I did for the first time last year...
...rode my first horse.
...resuscitated a newborn baby for the first time
...took my first trip to America.
...had my first ultrasound scan
...attended a 90th birthday party for the first time.
...had my first day at the races.
...took my first membership exams.
...danced with a soldier for the first time.
...bought my first proper makeup that cost more than £5 per item. In Bloomingdales!
...had my first midwife appointment.
...sanded a floor.
...had my first bout of sciatica.
...took my first yellow cab.
...bought my first tube of eye cream.
...went off chocolate!! (briefly)
...conceived our first child!
...rode my first horse.
...resuscitated a newborn baby for the first time
...took my first trip to America.
...had my first ultrasound scan
...attended a 90th birthday party for the first time.
...had my first day at the races.
...took my first membership exams.
...danced with a soldier for the first time.
...bought my first proper makeup that cost more than £5 per item. In Bloomingdales!
...had my first midwife appointment.
...sanded a floor.
...had my first bout of sciatica.
...took my first yellow cab.
...bought my first tube of eye cream.
...went off chocolate!! (briefly)
...conceived our first child!
Monday, 14 July 2008
a new adventure
I've been thinking about how to write this post for a long long time now. Far too long in fact, and I don't blame everyone if they've given up on me and assumed I've gone back to live entirely in the real world. I have some exciting news that has been rather too long delayed...
I am enceinte, gravid, expectant and fecund. I am with child. I have one in the oven. I am knocked up, in the family way and up the duff. In fact, we are going to have a baby in December.
My reasons for not blogging so far may be poor, but I'll make my excuses anyway. For the first 12 weeks it was not public knowledge, I felt hideous and ill all the time, and I couldn't settle myself to believe I wouldn't have an early miscarriage til I'd seen the 12 week scan and knew everything was fine. If I had been able to blog about it during that time, I think I would have sounded rather morose and depressed about the whole thing. Pregnancy seemed to mainly involve vomiting, having no energy to spare for anything but work, and being told lots of things I shouldn't do. None of it really felt real, even though we'd been wanting a baby for some time.
Since then I don't have such a good excuse, except that suddenly it all became very hard to encapsulate into words. Also I have been going to bed uncommonly early, due to feeling wiped out after a day at work, whereas late at night was when I usually used to blog. However, I had a week of leave last week, during which I slowed down enough to look at clouds, lie in bed feeling my growing bump, and think about things a little bit again. I also felt the baby moving for the first time, like a fluttering inside me, or like the feeling that I've just left my stomach behind on a rollercoaster. The bonding has been a bit slow to get started, but suddenly I'm really genuinely excited, and starting to feel how strong my love is for the tiny scrap of a thing growing inside me. So I thought it was about time I shared my news with you. Forgive me for taking so long.
I am enceinte, gravid, expectant and fecund. I am with child. I have one in the oven. I am knocked up, in the family way and up the duff. In fact, we are going to have a baby in December.
My reasons for not blogging so far may be poor, but I'll make my excuses anyway. For the first 12 weeks it was not public knowledge, I felt hideous and ill all the time, and I couldn't settle myself to believe I wouldn't have an early miscarriage til I'd seen the 12 week scan and knew everything was fine. If I had been able to blog about it during that time, I think I would have sounded rather morose and depressed about the whole thing. Pregnancy seemed to mainly involve vomiting, having no energy to spare for anything but work, and being told lots of things I shouldn't do. None of it really felt real, even though we'd been wanting a baby for some time.
Since then I don't have such a good excuse, except that suddenly it all became very hard to encapsulate into words. Also I have been going to bed uncommonly early, due to feeling wiped out after a day at work, whereas late at night was when I usually used to blog. However, I had a week of leave last week, during which I slowed down enough to look at clouds, lie in bed feeling my growing bump, and think about things a little bit again. I also felt the baby moving for the first time, like a fluttering inside me, or like the feeling that I've just left my stomach behind on a rollercoaster. The bonding has been a bit slow to get started, but suddenly I'm really genuinely excited, and starting to feel how strong my love is for the tiny scrap of a thing growing inside me. So I thought it was about time I shared my news with you. Forgive me for taking so long.
Friday, 9 May 2008
a small post squeezed past the bloggers block
So I passed my exam! In theory, this might mean I never have to take another one! Sooner or later, I'm sure I'll crack and need to do some course or other that gives me more validation of my intelligence. But that might not be for a long time... All I have to do now is complete 9 more months of training and do some online assessments with my trainer. And then I will be an independent GP! which is actually a bit of a scarey thought.
I feel like I should feel more elated than I do. At the moment I feel a bit flat and anti-climactic. But hopefully soon it will sink in what this really means. Apologies for the lack of promised more regular blogging. Hopefully some inspiration will strike me soon.
I feel like I should feel more elated than I do. At the moment I feel a bit flat and anti-climactic. But hopefully soon it will sink in what this really means. Apologies for the lack of promised more regular blogging. Hopefully some inspiration will strike me soon.
Saturday, 12 April 2008
where i am now
Right now I am sitting at the computer in our small, messy front bedroom that we use as a study. I am partly wishing I had the time and energy to sort through all the notes and paperwork in this room, but just now, I don't. The blinds are still open and I can see the deep blue not-quite-dark-yet sky, and hear the boys who are still playing out on the street. I'm huddled in a hunched position with very poor posture, because I feel cold. I'm wearing a hoodie and jeans and my hair is in a mess. I know there are things that I must do, because I will feel better when they are done, but I feel too physically and mentally tired to do them.
Tomorrow I'm travelling to Croydon, because I'm sitting an exam there on Monday. If I pass it, it means I have all the exams necessary to become a member of the Royal College of GPs, and to complete my training scheme successfully in February 09. It means I can be free to just work and live for a while, see people, garden, sort out the papers in this room, enjoy the summer etc. If I fail it, it means another six months of exam anxiety and work, another £1260 to pay, and I will spend our lovely 2 week holiday in Scotland in September working for the exam. It's a practical-type exam - I have to see 13 actors who are playing patients, communicate effectively, ethically and manage them well in the space of 10 minutes each. Quite stressful. I'm quite stressed. But I know I have worked for it.
Instead of typing this, I should be - checking my train times, and the frequency of the connexion across London, checking the exam details, putting a tendon hammer and tape measure into my doctor's bag, working out how to carry my suit without squashing it, packing my case, having a shower, doing my hair, calming my mind down, going to bed early.
I shall go and do these things now. I need to stay calm, but just now I feel numb and unreal. If you have a second, please pray for me or wish me luck. I'll let you know how it goes, and try to blog a little more regularly when it's over.
Tomorrow I'm travelling to Croydon, because I'm sitting an exam there on Monday. If I pass it, it means I have all the exams necessary to become a member of the Royal College of GPs, and to complete my training scheme successfully in February 09. It means I can be free to just work and live for a while, see people, garden, sort out the papers in this room, enjoy the summer etc. If I fail it, it means another six months of exam anxiety and work, another £1260 to pay, and I will spend our lovely 2 week holiday in Scotland in September working for the exam. It's a practical-type exam - I have to see 13 actors who are playing patients, communicate effectively, ethically and manage them well in the space of 10 minutes each. Quite stressful. I'm quite stressed. But I know I have worked for it.
Instead of typing this, I should be - checking my train times, and the frequency of the connexion across London, checking the exam details, putting a tendon hammer and tape measure into my doctor's bag, working out how to carry my suit without squashing it, packing my case, having a shower, doing my hair, calming my mind down, going to bed early.
I shall go and do these things now. I need to stay calm, but just now I feel numb and unreal. If you have a second, please pray for me or wish me luck. I'll let you know how it goes, and try to blog a little more regularly when it's over.
Wednesday, 19 March 2008
glee
On Thursday and Friday last week, I had to visit two different hospitals where I used to work. One trip was to spend time with the substance misuse liason nurse, and the other to try and finish off an audit I was supposed to be doing during my last job. The whole process filled me with glee that I am no longer working in hosipitals.
"Ha ha ha," I thought to myself, as a very loud alarm (possibly the fire alarm - who knows?) went off for five minutes for no observable reason, making conversation almost impossible, but not causing anybody to stop their work. "Hee hee hee," I gleefully mused, as I listened to a stressed looking SHO have a 15 minute row down the phone with another SHO about a rota swap. (although obviously I was sorry for the poor bloke.) "Ho ho ho," I chuckled when I had to eat some form of cardboard in the oppressively decorated canteen. "Ha ha ha ha!" I felt like saying, when a consultant from my previous job tried to give me a rollicking about the fact that there are discharge summaries piling up to be done in the junior doctors' office, without realising that I had actually left and didn't work there any more.
Felt like telling him that now I work in a place where people actually treat me as a fellow professional rather than some kind of naughty lazy student who needs to be told what's what.
And in all the quiet moments on my own, walking down the corridor, or washing my hands in the skin-stripping soap, and especially in the car on the way home with the windows down, I was singing a little song... It was the tune of "Bread of Heaven/ you're not singing/ are you scotland in disguise", and it went, "I don't work here, I don't work here, I DON'T WORK HERE ANY MORE!!! (any more) I don't work here any more!"
"Ha ha ha," I thought to myself, as a very loud alarm (possibly the fire alarm - who knows?) went off for five minutes for no observable reason, making conversation almost impossible, but not causing anybody to stop their work. "Hee hee hee," I gleefully mused, as I listened to a stressed looking SHO have a 15 minute row down the phone with another SHO about a rota swap. (although obviously I was sorry for the poor bloke.) "Ho ho ho," I chuckled when I had to eat some form of cardboard in the oppressively decorated canteen. "Ha ha ha ha!" I felt like saying, when a consultant from my previous job tried to give me a rollicking about the fact that there are discharge summaries piling up to be done in the junior doctors' office, without realising that I had actually left and didn't work there any more.
Felt like telling him that now I work in a place where people actually treat me as a fellow professional rather than some kind of naughty lazy student who needs to be told what's what.
And in all the quiet moments on my own, walking down the corridor, or washing my hands in the skin-stripping soap, and especially in the car on the way home with the windows down, I was singing a little song... It was the tune of "Bread of Heaven/ you're not singing/ are you scotland in disguise", and it went, "I don't work here, I don't work here, I DON'T WORK HERE ANY MORE!!! (any more) I don't work here any more!"
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