Today I felt good. I saw a patient today with a problem which has been present for a couple of weeks and has been referred non-urgently. The problem has been getting worse since then, and is now significantly affecting his functioning. He and his family are very worried and asked if they could get the appointment any quicker. So I rang the (very helpful) phoneline for the speciality involved, and they arranged me an appointment for tomorrow morning. One of the rare occasions when you feel really proud of the NHS. So now the patient thinks I'm wonderful, and more importantly, his problems and his anxiety will soon be resolved.
Today I also felt bad. In my one hour tutorial with one of the GPs at my practice we did an in depth analysis of a case I saw on call just over a weekend and handled pretty badly. Basically I allowed myself to be pressurised into calling an ambulance for a patient when that wasn't the most appropriate thing to do. Going through your mistakes in detail for an hour is a very good learning experience. It doesn't make you feel very good about yourself though.
I saw 17 patients today and they all made me feel different things. Some made me feel sad for them, some made me feel uncomfortable, some made me want to bang my head against a wall, some made me confused, some made me feel like I'd done something good, some like I could have handled things better. Some made me feel I wished I could have got to know them better. Most of these things I now wouldn't remember feeling if I wasn't deliberately trying to remember. The general effect of all this is to send me home feeling a bit drained and with occasional moodswings. The ones I remember most are the ones I was a bit worried about for whatever reason. Sometimes if I try to remember all I've done in a day my head feels like it's in a fog. I expect this will only get worse when I go to 10 minute appointments instead of 15.
Anyway, why am I sitting at work at ten past seven typing this when I've only just finished my paperwork? I am going home to my lovely husband who is making me tea. Then I have to see whether the floor in the back bedroom is ready to be sanded at the weekend. Hey-ho!
5 comments:
There's a doctor at work at the moment who reminds me a lot of the kind of doctor I'm sure you are! (Here's hoping you know who I am now!) She's really helpful and always stops walking when I ask something, which is not what the other (boy) doctors do - you find yourself in a completely different part of the hospital if you try to ask their advice! That's how interdisciplinary working should be I think! I'm sure you're going to be a fab GP - my admiration for my own GP soared the day she had me admitted within the hour to SAU because she refused to believe that "another course of fluclox should do it"! Anyway, keep on; the NHS needs people like you, who will find the right way to sort things out! Hurray for you :)
Yes, hurrah for you! Well done for being able to survive having a mistake picked apart for an hour. I think I would have been a wreck. And well done for remembering how you feel about the patients and things - I'm sure it will be a helpful tool for you. Is 15 minutes per appointment part of the training process or has your practice been lucky to date?
yes Welsherella, I now do know who you are. And thank you for the kind words. most of the time i don't feel like a good doctor, but i try. and yes jen 15 minute appointments are part of training i am supposed to be working my way down to 10 minutes. looking back at this post, it now seems a little bit grumpy. i do really enjoy general practice but do sometimes get grumpy because i do find it very draining. so draining that in fact last night i did not do useful things as planned but sat on our new comfy couches with husband watching Frasier and eating a whole tub of ice cream between us!
You are allowed to be grumpy. I'm grumpy most the time and don't have half the excuses you do.
Big love and hugs.
MM.xx
and what a good way to spend an evening! valuable, nurishing, entertaining, educating (ok, so that might be stretching the point...) xxx
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