the crest of a wave

I've had a few feelings of euphoria over the last two weeks, and when people ask me if I've had a good day I realise that I really have. Suddenly the pieces of my new life seem to be falling into place and I feel like I can balance again. Apparently it is quite common for this to happen when your baby is around 3 months, but I don't mind being common in this particular case.

For one thing, the feeding seems to have finally got easier, as everybody told me it would when baby blue was 3 weeks old (I didn't really believe them). Soreness is now rare, and I've managed to feed in various situations now - sitting cross legged on the floor, sitting in a folding chair, in a cafe, whereas before, I had to be either lying down or propped up by multiple pillows. This makes such a huge difference to my day, as I no longer dread each feed, I can enjoy the time spent with baby blue, and I don't dread going out of the house for longer than two hours.

Also making a huge difference to my state of mind is the improvement in baby blue's sleeping patterns. We've started over the last 2 weeks to try gently getting him into a routine, and it seems to be working relatively well. He now goes to bed at 7, meaning the evenings are free for grown up time, although he tends to wake and cry once or twice. I feed him before I go to bed, again at around half ten, and he now goes right through to 5 or 6am before needing another feed!! This is another thing that seemed totally impossible 6 weeks ago. It's amazing how much rosier the world looks when your sleep comes in 6-7 hour chunks rather than 2 hour ones!

Then there are the changes in baby blue which are happening every day. It's now possible to play with him, as he will grab a rattle, smile and laugh when I pull faces or sing songs, and have a conversation with me consisting solely of vowel sounds. Somehow the fact that I'm encouraging his development makes my day feel so much more productive than when I got to teatime and had only managed to keep him alive, fed and clean and maybe checked my emails and put a load of washing on. He can also entertain himself much better, meaning I might actually have time to hang the washing out as well as putting it in the machine!

I have discovered that getting out somewhere every day, even if it's just a walk to the Co-op, keeps me sane, and I am blessed with knowing several other new mums, so I'm rarely short of someone to have coffee or lunch with. I've been going to a breastfeeding support group, which has really helped me, and I've also started postnatal Pilates and baby massage classes, which are good fun, and have helped me make a few new friends. Today I even went to a special baby-friendly showing at the Hyde Park Cinema in Leeds. It was a little difficult to hear the movie at times! The moment when a gunshot went off in the film also caused a little bit of commotion among the babies present. But it was really great to be at the cinema again.

I'm sure within the next few weeks there will be more testing times, when baby blue starts teething, or starts waking again as he gets more hungry, when he starts rolling over and I have to start watching him like a hawk... But it's good to know that actually, I love this time, I love being a full time mum just now, and I've come through so many of the difficult things. I know if there are more difficult times, I'll be able to come through them as well, with help from God, mr me and my friends and family.